Arsenal 3-2 Swansea
â€œWhy are raspberry bonbons blue?â€ asked Shedman quizzically, during the early lull – a time when the mind is prone to wander to the weightier matters of life.
And then Theo Walcott immediately scored, so the sweet crisis was averted.
I missed the goal.
Why? Because at the very moment he scored I was WhatsApping Feverpitch, asking him if he was bored yet, so naturally the game duly exploded.
Yes, I am the kind of idiot who is easily distracted by his mobile telephone. At least I was physically in situ and heard it happen – an improvement on the time I left Highbury a few minutes before full-time against Birmingham with the game tied at 1-1, only to get home and look on Ceefax to discover that weâ€™d won something like 15-12 on penalties. I thought it would go to a replay, not extra time. Happy days.
Iâ€™m moving off piste here. Anyway, back to Theo. We had probed a bit, but it hadnâ€™t really been a case of Swansea crumbling in the face of the storm. It just sort of happened, with Theo nipping in like a terrier. And then it just sort of happened again, with Theo swivelling full-circle to make the most of a defensive hash-up.
At this point I honestly thought the fat lady was unscrewing her mouthwash for a pre-warble gargle, but Xhaka (not his finest day, as it would turn out), gave the ball away and it was 2-1.
And as we all know, 2-1 is the most dangerous score in football, apart from 1-0, 2-0 and all the other dangerous scores – including, in the case of Arsenal, being 4-0 up.
Error aside, we played some lovely stuff in the latter stages of the first half, and missed a few chances after that too before Ozil latched onto Sanchezâ€™s cross and applied the coup de grace.
Game over! Out comes the mouthwash.
But no, this being Arsenal we let another one in (as soft as a summer camembert) and then Xhaka got himself sent off. I think Wengerâ€™s assessment of it being â€˜dark yellowâ€™ was right – though it was more â€˜dark artsâ€™. A bit â€˜daft artsâ€™ in truth as it was the middle of the pitch and entirely unnecessary to even give the referee the option.
Then things got really sticky. Theo hit the post twice – both times he should have scored. In fact, he should have scored five times yesterday, but Swansea had a couple of great chances to level it up.
So the relief at the end was palpable, and takes us to six wins on the bounce. I canâ€™t remember the last time that happened. Thatâ€™s fine form, even weâ€™ve got over the line in the last two matches by the skin of our teeth.
Anyway, back to blue raspberry bonbons. The best explanation I could come up with was that theyâ€™re often placed next to strawberry bonbons in a point-of-sale scenario, and two similar colours would be confusing to the demanding consumer. Consider it, if you will, to be as if raspberry bonbons are always wearing their away kit.
Anything more credible than that, which ought not be hard, then do let me know.