There ought to be a manual for advising people how best to avoid shoe-horning woeful puns into the titles of blog posts, you know. I merely say that.
Because we all know that Krystian Bielik is not the new Chris Whyte, even if both could play centre-half. But in the absence of a legendary Arsenal midfielder called, say, Patrick Purple or Liam Khaki, I went for Chris Whyte, and thatâ€™s all the explanation I am prepared to give.
Weâ€™ve not signed him anyway, but if we are to believe the Guardian, then we are â€˜poisedâ€™ to do just that. Nor, letâ€™s be frank, should we get too excited about it right now, given that heâ€™s seventeen and has made just five appearances in the Polish league. If it happens, we can file it in the â€˜one for the futureâ€™ folder, where it will be flush against that dusty facsimile entitled â€˜winning the Champions Leagueâ€™.
Will he come? I donâ€™t know. He may of course ring up the Woj and ask for advice on where the best place is to fire up a crafty tab without teacher knowing, or which seat on the bench is best for avoiding piles.
It would count as a signing, though, and at this stage of the window, when all thatâ€™s happened is a striker exodus, thatâ€™s something.
Both attacking departures, incidentally, are hard to argue against, in all honesty. Following Poldi out the door (#aha) is Sanogo (#yaya), who is off to Palace for experience. Good luck to him. You certainly canâ€™t do anything other than doff your cap at his willingness to fit inâ€¦
— Yaya Sanogo (@Yayasanogoal22) January 13, 2015
As for defensive cover that will make an actual difference, weâ€™re still none the wiser, and to compound the overstretching, it looks like Debuchy could be out for yet another Diaby. Why push him in mid-air? A stretch on the sidelines, and for what?
Just at a time, too, when we our midfield and forward options are increasing. Ramsey, Flamini, Ozil and Walcott are all back, while Rosicky is back from the cold (what was that all about?)
Look at our bench against Stoke:
Szczesny, Bellerin, Flamini, Ramsey, Ozil, Campbell, Walcott
And compare it to the one from just a month previously, against Newcastle:
Martinez, Coquelin, Podolski, Sanogo, Campbell, Maitland-Niles, Ajayi.
Stronger, and weâ€™ve still got Arteta, Welbeck, Gibbs and Wilshere to come. I donâ€™t pretend for a second that all our woes this season have been down to injuries, but it has massively hamstrung us.
As for Stoke – I was at a family gig and missed what sounds like our best performance of the season yet, so I have nothing to add other than prostrating myself before the feet of the mighty Alexis in awe. The man is a beast. A proper beast. Not a Baptista beast.
The words ‘world class’ get bandied about with abandon these days. But he genuinely is.