We Won The Cup. Chinny Reckon!

Arsenal 0-0 MSN Messenger United
Arsenal win the cup by the hair of their chinny chin chins

At some point, we’re going to need to deconstruct that cup final in the cold light of day: Why such an insipid performance? Why did it take 97 minutes to have a shot on goal? How come creaky-boned Dennis played as a lone front man? Even with a red-hot poker up his butt, could Lauren have had a more uncomfortable afternoon?

But you know what, that time is not now.

All you need to know is that, in a smash and grab raid of epic proportions, we won the cup on penalties. Despite playing like drains for the entire match, we somehow emerged with the silver pot. I can honestly tell you that at no time during the first 125-odd minutes did I enjoy myself, but the last three seconds were brilliant.

The lucky hat came off at half-time, in case it was lucky no more, but then it went back on again, as I thought I’d dissed it prematurely, but then off it came again, by which point it looked as if beavers had been building a dam in my hair. The hat clearly made no difference whatsoever. We were still dreadful and we were still waiting to be beaten. It was just a matter of time.

The best player on the field wearing red kept us in it with a string of fabulous saves, and as the ref blew his whistle for penalties, I had a secret feeling we might do it, based on his performance alone. At the other end, United’s keeper Les Dawson had barely got his studs muddy, whereas Lehmann had been forced to concentrate his arse off for most of the game.

I say “secret feeling” as I wasn’t foolish enough to say it out loud. Instead, I tried to convince everyone around me that, as we had played so badly, we wouldn’t mind so much going out in such a cruel fashion. Who was I trying to kid?

During the penalty shoot-out itself, I actually started shaking uncontrollably. And in one of the brief pauses between one penalty and the next, I managed to look around me. What I saw made me feel an awful lot better: There wasn’t another man, woman or child there whose idea of fun would stretch to this.

But the moment the Pat-man knocked the winning kick in, the place went absolutely spare. Everyone hugged everyone else, and I swore an awful lot. To anyone offended by a profanity-screeching flat-capped lunatic, it was me, and I apologise.

Reading the papers today, and the achievement just gets better and better. Absolutely chuffing blinding. It really doesn’t get much better than this…

10 thoughts on “We Won The Cup. Chinny Reckon!

  1. For a brief second (okay, it was more like half of a split-millisecond) I felt slightly sorry for ManUre. It must really hurt to be the best side on the pitch and come away empty handed. But fcuk em, they’ve done it to us too many times. We’ve got the cup, they’ve got nowt – and that’s the way it should be.

  2. Yeah – I remember that feeling at Villa Park when hairyoldgiggs scored that amazing goal and Dennis missed the penalty. What goes round, comes round.

  3. Agree- didn’t enjoy the 120 mins but the last three seconds- wow! WE robbed them blind though and it was disturbing for Arsene to say our tactics worked- no they didn’t they just couldn’t score. Van Horsehead wouldn’t score ina brothel. I’m happy but that was the worst performance ina long time Vieira et al gone missing agin in a big game. With Henry it would have been no different.
    Lehman superb but this will galvanise them more than us. Old Trafford is a distant memeory- we have been comprehensively outplayed by them twice this season BUT we won the game that mattered!!! Ha HA. Still can’t understand it. Great article on goodplay which puts it all into perspective.

  4. Loved every second of it (after Paddy scored).
    You won fcuk all again.
    Comprehensively outplayed at OT – don’t think so.
    Sweet revenge, poetic justice, robbin them blind – all phrases now close to my heart.

  5. There won’t be many highlights of the match for the end of season video…maybe a nice montage…..Roy Keane & Alan Smith hugging that bawling Portuguese twat with some nice melancoly music in the background- suggestions on a postcard.

  6. Last time I checked football winners were decided by who scored more goals. We put 5 past them, they scored 4. End of story. I’m tired of hearing so-called experts talking about how they outplayed us. If they want a game where you score points for looking good they should try gymnastics. Or diving – some might say they’ve got a natural talent for that.

  7. I’m with halfnice. They had a 120 minutes to score and they didn’t. Game over. You win some, you lose some. This time it was our time.

  8. I also agree with half nothing, I mean we outplayed Liverpool in 2001 and lost but the experts didnt complain so much then. All you heard was how Owen scored 2 goals, the hand balls from Henchoz were hardly mentioned either. We were robbed that day but thats football, this time we won and for the spirit alone we deserved that win. I was extremly stressed come the penalties, so much so I was prob shaking as bad as RotorGoat said he was lol. I was in a pub which had its fair share of manUre fans in as well they all cheered when Horse Shit scored the first penalty but you should have heard how quiet they went when Paddy scored altho I dunt think u cud av heard em over my screams lol (hense no voice today).

    Well I hope we pick ourselves up for next season, Moaniho seems confident he’s already got next seasons title, none of em seem to realise how diff it is playing against teams as champions. Wellwe face em in the Community Shield which I hope is the only piece of silverware Chelski win. I hate the shield, am convinced its our jinx.

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