Dismal Arsenal stagger on

Stoke City 3-2 Arsenal

It’s impossible to make any sense of this season, because you have absolutely no idea what Arsenal will do when they step on the pitch. Good luck anyone trying to second guess how we might play. We might make light work of a seemingly hard game (Dortmund), we might throw away winning positions (Swansea) and we might go tight and eke out one-nil wins (WBA and Southampton). Then of course, we might collapse like a pack of cards, as we did yesterday at Stoke.

The 90 minutes was a microcosm of the inconsistency of this, Wenger’s latest and almost certainly last, Arsenal side. So bad it was pathetic in the first half, then a brief, stirring comeback that fell short. But ultimately, we remembered none of the defensive lessons we seemed to have learned over the last three games. It was a dog’s breakfast of a performance.

We started the season by drawing a lot – we didn’t lose for the first six games of the season – but in the subsequent nine games we have lost four times, won four times and drawn once. That is the epitome of inconsistency, right there.

Now obviously, it was always going to be harder because we had three rookies in the back five. But the mistakes the defence made were just basic. When you are lacking in experience, at the very least you should be drilled to within an inch of your life to keep things tight, shut down the opposition, prevent crosses. Too much to ask, clearly, and when you are 1-0 down after 25 seconds, you’re already in trouble.

We “weren’t decisive enough”, “not dominant enough”, “too fragile” – and you can now add “multiple set-piece disease” to the lexicon of failure. However the boss says it, we’ve heard it all too many times before.

With Newcastle coming next in the league, it’s anyone’s guess. Every game is anyone’s guess. We are almost half way through the season and we’ve not yet started.

Wenger can’t seem to change the narrative for long enough for it to make a difference. If you were a betting man or woman, you’d say the most likely outcome for the second half of the season is more of the same. We probably won’t beat one of the teams we measure ourselves against. We’ll win some and we’ll lose some in no particular order and we might be there or thereabouts for the fourth place trophy in May.

We’re stuck in a loop.

Sanchez in, Puma out, Arsenal shake it all about

It was one of those days when the stars aligned and Arsenal fans got a bit giddy. The best of days…

I suspect that Puma riding the crest of the Sanchez wave might not have been that accidental, either. Someone in the Arsenal PR department will be pouring themselves a glass of something cold this evening. There’ll be some schnapps wheeled out at Puma.

The Sanchez deal had been building a head of steam, so signing him wasn’t entirely unexpected – unlike the Ozil one, which came out the blue like a thunderbolt. The price, too, has had less mention than Ozil’s, which can only be a good thing. Last year we nearly fell off our perches when we spent £42.5m on one player. It was so far out of our comfort zone. Now, we’re back shopping in the same luxury outlet. That we can do it more often is a huge relief after years of relative parsimony and a healthy, but often untouched bank balance.

It’s just such a boost. The kind of player with power and speed and goalscoring ability that we really missed last year. 21 goals for Barcelona. It’s a signing that’s really got people going.

He’s even using his first name on the shirt, and has taken the number 17, which has pleased all those with Alex Song shirts. Just a little bit of tweaking and Bob’s your uncle.

And you know, maybe there is a domino effect. Would he have come if Ozil hadn’t come last season? Possibly, but who knows. From selling our best players, which we did for quite a few years, we’re now buying top ones and keeping the ones we want to keep.

It doesn’t feel like the last either. Claude Debussy’s looked like he’s on his way for a while. We’re also being linked to Khedira, the kind of rumour I’d have laughed out the room last summer and not even mentioned. Tough transfer to do? Probably. But not as impossible as it would’ve been in the past.

Exciting times.

And so to Puma, who finally launched their ‘trilogy’ of shirts. There’d been more leaks than a Welsh farm, so again, we knew what was coming, but I think they’ve struck a good balance. Stick with tradition, classic designs home and away, with a cheeky third shirt which also doffs its cap to the past.

Some people are staunch defenders of various brands – Adidas fans, Nike aficianados – but all I care is that they don’t balls around with the designs, and they haven’t. Mind you, if you’ve got a six-pack it’ll help. I’m a middle-aged man with a paunch.

Of course, they’re available all over the place, including here. I know this because JD Sports have sent me a shirt, the little devils. Now I just need to get rid of my wine belly. I need to be ‘buff’, at least that’s what I think it’s called these days.

So, new shirts, new striker. A deal done in the middle of the summer. You’ve changed, Arsenal. You’ve changed.