Real Madrid wannabe Calderon:

“We can’t reach an agreement with Arsenal because we do not represent Real Madrid yet, but if we win I am sure he [Fabregas] will come.

“We have an agreement signed with Arjen Robben and we are working hard to secure Kaka, who wants to come to Madrid although we haven’t closed the deal with AC Milan yet.”

“Also, I’m going to offer free flights to all Real Madrid supporters, buy them swanky beachside villas in a location of their choosing, cancel their taxes and furnish them with champagne and women”.

OK, so I made some of this up. But not as much as he has. Does anybody believe him, even in Spain?